Breathing Through The Tears

I know many people that feel a crying child is distressing to hear, its a natural reaction.  You want to help, you want to make it "better," or you just want to bring back the calm before the "storm."

For me, as I'm sure it is for others, it's distressing when a child has a hard time stopping.  We become flustered, or unsure of what to do, or even become a little scared ourselves.  Whether it's the result of a child being frightened, a tantrum, a "boo-boo," or hurt feelings, I let children know that it's okay to cry.  Yet my blood pressure can naturally rise after an extended period of crying, no matter how composed I may look or try to be.

Children do not always hear us validating their feelings when they are scared, they do not always want to make a choice, and sometimes they can't hear themselves over their own screaming.  They are just not ready yet.  It is scary to a child when they have BIG emotions they are unsure how to resolve.

Sometimes, a child simply needs help re-focusing.  My secret focus weapon is breathing.  I categorize breathing techniques into two areas; real, and imaginary.

All of the objects listed above are real of course, but it's how they are presented. 

The real objects are things you may most likely have on hand that will help children who need more of a VISUAL.  "I'm going to blow this tissue across the table as hard as I can, how far can you blow it?"  "I need help making this pinwheel spin, how fast can you make it go?"

This can help a child get started on taking those deep breaths needed to calm themselves.

The objects in the imaginary column, are great when you do not have anything on hand, or for a child who loves to PRETEND.  "Watch me blow up this red balloon!"  Pretend to blow up a balloon, demonstrating deep breaths as you move your hands out to show how big it is.  "I'm passing it to you now!  Can you catch it, or pop it?"  "Now it's your turn to blow up a balloon!"  Pretending to pop the imaginary balloons can be a great way for them to de-stress as well. 

The imaginary food items are examples of favorite foods that can be hot.  "Would you like to smell this cookie I baked?"  Pretend to hold the object in your hand and breathe in.  "Oooo!  It's hot!  Help me cool it off!"  Then blow out as though you are cooling it off.  You can proceed to ask the child what kind of cookie he smells, and talk about their favorite kind.  These items are just examples, you can use others that may pertain to you and your child's situation.

Simply sitting with a child and mimicking these techniques, without saying a word to them, works as well.  My own son just doesn't want to hear what I'm saying sometimes.

The whole point of using these objects, whether they are real or imaginary, is to show children the appropriate tools available to them, "tools" that can help them regain control of their own bodies. 

What tools do you use to help children with their emotions, or self-control?

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Pretending to Read = Learning to Read

Did you know that pretending to read is an important step in learning to read?

• It exercises the skill of recall when a child tells the order of or remembers a story that's been read to them.
• It builds language and critical thinking skills when they use pictures as a guide to guess what's happening, or why something is happening in a story.
• The "act" of reading is a great confidence builder in the process of learning to decipher words because...

Children must believe they can read before they actually do read!

I've seen children as young as one, flipping pages in a book while talking and babbling to themselves, to dolls, or to stuffed animals.  I've seen preschoolers and kindergartners who love to play "teacher," and will pretend to read to their classmates and siblings.  Babies can even benefit from this literacy play.

My older son loves to hold and talk to his new little brother.  I like to have my baby nearby when I read to my older son so he can benefit from the language that happens while reading.

And when my four-year-old gets the chance to hold the baby, I've noticed a good opportunity to read to them both.  Then I encourage him to read to the baby.  My four-year-old prefers to use simple picture books or stories that he knows well because we've read them so many times.  Either way, as you can see, they both enjoy a good story!

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Words I'll never forget

Quiet moments in the car do not come around often with a crying baby, and a chatty four year old riding along.  But when they do, every minute, whether its two or ten, is enjoyed, because there is no bathroom to escape to for a moment alone in the car.  On one blissful ride though, I have no idea why, I thought it was too quiet. 
 
Me:  "You're very quiet today buddy."
Aidan:  "Yeah."
Me:  "What are you thinking about back there?"
Aidan:  "How will I find a girl to live with when I get older?"

Now this topic may sound a little mature for a four year old, but my husband and I had just been teasing Aidan a couple of days prior, about how he wouldn't want to live with mommy and daddy once he was grown.  He didn't believe it, and said that he would always live with me, of course!  I proceeded to explain, at a four year old level, one of the most complex aspects of our lives, love.

Me:  "When you get older, you will meet and talk to a lot of girls.  Daddy and I did not always live together.  When we met we talked a lot.  We did fun things together, and we knew we loved each other before we decided we wanted to live together.  You might get to know some girls really well because you like to do the same things, or you might hang out a lot.  You will know who you want to live with some day when you find a girl you know really well, and you will probably like to do some of the same things.  It's important that a girl is nice to you, and other people, and that you are nice to her.  You will know if you love her and she loves you before you decide to live together."

I will never forget the words that came out of his mouth after my best jumbled attempt at explaining how we come to be with the ones we love.

Aidan:  "But mom, there are no other girls like you!"

I was speechless, I cried a little, and I was very thankful that I thought it was too quiet that day!

Math can be a-MAZE-ing!

I know some people have their reservations and fears about math as adults.  I was fortunate growing up, because I had some great teachers that introduced math concepts through games, and other hands on activities.  They made the basics easy for me to understand, which gave me a reason to have a good attitude toward the subject as I entered high school, where I was thrown to the infamous algebra "wolves," and other forms of math that mingle with the alphabet.  I hope to keep the fears of math down to a dull roar for both of my boys.  In fact, my husband and I have plans to implement a small allowance system for Aidan as he takes on a few easy chores, so he can start respecting the value of money. 

Aidan currently receives a magazine in the mail every month that's geared toward preschoolers.  When it arrives, he hunts for any pages that contain mazes, or connect the dot pictures.  He is smitten with these activities, and has no problem working a maze on his own.  The connect the dots are another story.  He's still working on his number recognition, like most preschoolers, and often gets numbers mixed up with letters, so he needs more help connecting the dots.


In the past we have created mazes together on a larger scale with his wooden blocks and Legos.  We have races with his cars through them.  Sometimes he cheats, jumping the walls of the maze to get to the end first.  Apparently, and unfortunately, my husband and I have created a competition monster already!

To satisfy his hunger for these multiple vices, I simply added some numbers to the latest maze.  We used several different objects, and methods of movement.  One object was a bowl of cotton balls.  I let him use the hair dryer to blow the correct amount of cotton balls to the corresponding number.  It was fun to watch the pure joy on his face as he blasted them through the maze.

We changed the maze around a little to keep it interesting, then I challenged him to try and move the cotton balls a different way.  He discovered how powerful his lungs really were!

We also rolled different sized balls through the maze, but of course, we had to use his favorite...cars!

I drew boxes on the number five as a reminder for him, a "cheat sheet" if you will, in case he forgot or wasn't sure what the number was.  We also did a little adding and subtracting when he didn't put the correct amount of objects in each spot, something that I didn't expect to happen until he started playing with the maze (I think it was the over the top excitement that distracted him from counting at first, over the use of the hair dryer)!

So far, the attitude toward math for Aidan has been positive.  We play in many different ways with numbers and math vocabulary at our house.  What are your favorite ways to play with math?

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Finding My Balance

Balancing on the edge of a curb is not an easy thing when you are carrying groceries and following the lead of your child back to the car in the parking lot during a spontaneous game of, "stay out of the alligator pond!" It can be scary even; stumbling for a split second, feeling your heart thump like it’s outside of your chest, the sensation that your face is about to kiss the pavement…suddenly, by instinct, you grab something sturdy nearby and you're upright again.

Finding balance with children is a constant battle; with them, and with ourselves. From making sure they don't watch too much television, to getting healthy food in their bellies, providing access to creative materials, spending enough time outside, using positive discipline without yelling, and finding time for ourselves (or with our spouses). More of this, less of that, and please, dear God, let me get a shower today!

Even though I've studied and worked in the early childhood field, even though I know what is "best practice," even though I know what's "developmentally appropriate," I don't always practice what I preach. Some days I don't even recognize myself, because I'm still in my pajamas, and I haven't taken the aforementioned shower yet – when my husband pulls into the driveway at 5pm after a full day at the office.

For example, yesterday, I spent most of my day catching up on laundry and keeping a cranky baby happy, while feeling bad that I didn't play with my four year old. He played on his own, with the same toy all day long, while following me around the house, and he didn't complain. I've had days completely opposite from this, and I wish I had more of them, but I know it's okay to miss the mark occasionally. My friends won't shun me...I think, because my house is a mess and I suffer from CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome). My kids aren't going to "fall behind" because I didn't offer engaging activities that supported their letter and number knowledge, and play outside everyday with them. I know it’s ok, but I still beat myself up over it.

I'm trying to find my balance. Between those absolutely awesome days filled with little moments that put a smile on my face, and make my heart feel good. To those days where I can't find the right words to redirect my son, or get out of the house on time, or eat something better for me, or send that cute homemade gift in the mail, or take the boys to the pond to explore the muddy waters edge, or just be in the moment with them.

Being in the moment…something I find I cannot slip into as easily as I once did like children do. Yet that is the key to finding and maintaining balance. It allows me to drop the trappings and expectations that I place on myself and focus instead on what is really important – my two wonderful children. Not every day will go the way I think it should, but if I am in the moment I will enjoy them all. Being in the moment, my something sturdy to hold on to.

We will rock you...with googly eyes!

The little guy in the picture above was inspired by my mother, and Marcel.  Both gave me the idea to let Aidan create his own miniature pet rocks.  My Mom has had a small, smooth, gray rock for as long as I can remember in the house growing up, with two little blue eyes painted on it.  My mom was the professional artist of my childhood and has pieces of her work all over her house, including her pet rock, which I vividly remember staring at me at the breakfast table in the morning, among the condiments on the lazy susan.  A few months ago my mom sent Aidan his own pet rock that she made for him.  He carried it around in his pocket outside for weeks, he even lost it a couple of times.  It was only found and returned each time by the neighbor boy because of those blue eyes my mother gave it.  Aidan has a fondness for rocks.  He collects them everywhere we go and has even attempted to pick them out of asphalt if they look cool enough.  His collection has grown to fill small buckets and before I knew it I was imagining faces on those rocks. 

Now Marcel is not someone I'm related to.  Marcel is a shell, with shoes on.  Marcel gained attention on the Internet when her creator posted videos of her on Youtube.  A friend of mine introduced me to Marcel last year, and her simple humor made me laugh.  Marcel came out with a children's book recently.  It's funny, just like her, but the font is a little hard to read, and Aidan understood about half of her jokes, because some your typical preschooler would not get.  Aidan did ask for my husband to read this book several times though because he gave Marcel a french accent, and it was funny to see a shell sleep in her "breadroom," a piece of bread.

One afternoon I presented Aidan with a few activities to choose from, he went with the rocks of course.  Painting his favorite pocket fillers sounded too good to pass up.  I set out some acrylic paints, several different sized brushes, and he picked out some rocks, and seashells from our last trip to the beach, from his stash.

 After the rocks dried I set out googly eyes, pipe cleaners, and glue for Aidan.  I noticed he was very focused on making sure each rock was fully covered in paint and twisting the pipe cleaners just right.  I did help him tighten the pipe cleaners after he wrapped his rocks and shells the way he wanted.

Aidan spent hours on these little creatures.  They kind of remind me of the monsters from the Disney Pixar movie Monsters Inc.  With tendrils, arms, legs, and googly eyes, each is a unique creation from the mind of a four year old!

Beautiful Oops!

I ran across a recommendation for this book Beautiful Oops! one day, and had to check it out after reading some of the comments written about it.  While flipping through it at the book store I fell in love, and scooped it up for my son immediately.

This very simple read is a pop-up book, illustrating what you can do instead if you make a mistake while working on a creation.  One of my favorite pages turns a torn piece of paper into the smile of a crocodile! 

Each page is a wonderful lesson in thinking outside the box.  It can be used as a conversation starter for children who get frustrated easily when something doesn't turn out as expected with their art.  I feel it could also be used for other, "What can you do instead?" situations in a child's life.
    
We've had our own mistakes with projects of course.  Aidan and I recently worked on a road map for his cars using a shower curtain.  Many of objects that ended up being drawn on the map reflected things in our neighborhood.  When he told me he marked an area that he didn't really want to be marked, I suggested we try turning it into a pond.  He eagerly began coloring blue shapes over his mistake, and added more ponds as well.  Cranes were requested to be put in near the ponds after that (there are three cranes that roam our neighborhood).  Other familiar landmarks in our area began emerging on the map as well.  We took what he felt was a mistake and turned it into a trail of other things that may not have made it on the road map in the first place, without giving up on it, or melting down.

I try to prompt Aidan to think about what can be done instead when an "oops" occurs, to help him learn to cope with those times when he feels like something can't be done.  Empowering him to come up with a solution on his own, or even reminding him that he may already know what to do, is a life skill that needs practice, and is something I will always be willing to help him develop.  Heck, as a parent, I make mistakes all the time. I try to think about what I could do instead everyday...maybe this book was meant for me, just as much as it was meant for Aidan, now that's a Beautiful Oops!