Breathing Through The Tears

I know many people that feel a crying child is distressing to hear, its a natural reaction.  You want to help, you want to make it "better," or you just want to bring back the calm before the "storm."

For me, as I'm sure it is for others, it's distressing when a child has a hard time stopping.  We become flustered, or unsure of what to do, or even become a little scared ourselves.  Whether it's the result of a child being frightened, a tantrum, a "boo-boo," or hurt feelings, I let children know that it's okay to cry.  Yet my blood pressure can naturally rise after an extended period of crying, no matter how composed I may look or try to be.

Children do not always hear us validating their feelings when they are scared, they do not always want to make a choice, and sometimes they can't hear themselves over their own screaming.  They are just not ready yet.  It is scary to a child when they have BIG emotions they are unsure how to resolve.

Sometimes, a child simply needs help re-focusing.  My secret focus weapon is breathing.  I categorize breathing techniques into two areas; real, and imaginary.

All of the objects listed above are real of course, but it's how they are presented. 

The real objects are things you may most likely have on hand that will help children who need more of a VISUAL.  "I'm going to blow this tissue across the table as hard as I can, how far can you blow it?"  "I need help making this pinwheel spin, how fast can you make it go?"

This can help a child get started on taking those deep breaths needed to calm themselves.

The objects in the imaginary column, are great when you do not have anything on hand, or for a child who loves to PRETEND.  "Watch me blow up this red balloon!"  Pretend to blow up a balloon, demonstrating deep breaths as you move your hands out to show how big it is.  "I'm passing it to you now!  Can you catch it, or pop it?"  "Now it's your turn to blow up a balloon!"  Pretending to pop the imaginary balloons can be a great way for them to de-stress as well. 

The imaginary food items are examples of favorite foods that can be hot.  "Would you like to smell this cookie I baked?"  Pretend to hold the object in your hand and breathe in.  "Oooo!  It's hot!  Help me cool it off!"  Then blow out as though you are cooling it off.  You can proceed to ask the child what kind of cookie he smells, and talk about their favorite kind.  These items are just examples, you can use others that may pertain to you and your child's situation.

Simply sitting with a child and mimicking these techniques, without saying a word to them, works as well.  My own son just doesn't want to hear what I'm saying sometimes.

The whole point of using these objects, whether they are real or imaginary, is to show children the appropriate tools available to them, "tools" that can help them regain control of their own bodies. 

What tools do you use to help children with their emotions, or self-control?

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