Sunday, August 26, 2012

The First Smile

My little Devin, I am waiting.  Waiting for something that I know I may not see for days.  I am trying to wait patiently, but it's very hard when I used to see it many times every day.  I am waiting for your smile to come back.

Before I handed you over to the woman with the surgical mask around her neck, I did my best to smile at you through my tears as we said goodbye.  I will never forget the look on your face as she turned to walk you down the hall and you looked back at me with confusion.

When I saw you hours later, a tangled mess of wires and tubes lay on top of you, and blinking boxes beeped and chirped loudly in my ears.  It was very hard to watch you writhe in pain as the nurses and doctors did their best to control it.  I wish I could give you my voice so you could tell them where it hurt.  I wish I could cough the congestion out for you.  I wish you didn't have to go through this.  I wish you didn't have a hole in your heart.

It feels like another world being tucked away inside this hospital.  Time seems to slow down.  It's the only time that I wish the days did not last longer with you.  I want to hit fast forward and skip over this week so I can take your pain away faster.

Little by little tubes are removed, and your body tells us what to do with the medicine.  The doctors tell me your vital signs are how they know you are feeling better, but I don't believe them completely.  Somehow your face changes and you become more relaxed and alert over the next few days, but something is missing.  You look at me, around me, and through me with those eyes.

Finally, I am able to hold you sixty agonizing hours after I let you go.  You still look unsure, like you are wondering where we are, glancing around at all the strange equipment.  You sleep through the night for the first time that evening, a good sign.  As the rising sun peeks through the window while you sit in my lap I see it...

I see what I have been waiting for...

It's the sign that tells me you are truly feeling better...

You smile at me.

And the smiles keep coming!

Devin's recovery from open heart surgery is going well.  The hole repair was a success, and the surgeon even found a second smaller hole that he patched up too.  Thank you all for your kind thoughts and prayers.  We felt your love, and it warmed our hearts.


***January 2013 update***Devin is doing beautifully.  His checks ups have gone very well and he does not need to see the pediatric cardiologist until he is almost one year old.  He's full of energy and mischief now that his heart is working properly.  You would never know what he went through unless you saw the scar, which simply looks like someone drew a line on his chest with a red marker, which is becoming less noticeable every day.  Modern medicine is absolutely amazing!


  1. What a beautiful smile! So glad that he is feeling more and more like himself. Continuing to send prayers and wishes of peace your way.

  2. So glad to know your little man is smiling, and well and truly on the mend. Blessings to all of you, Heather. x

  3. Beautiful! So glad to hear things are getting better. Prayers for all of you!

  4. He has an absolutely beautiful smile and I'm so glad that you are getting to see it again. Thank you so much for the update.

  5. Beautfiul! That smile just warms my heart and brings tears to my eyes. So glad he's feeling better.

    1. Beautiful words and beautiful smile. Keeping you in our prayers. Beth

  6. What a beautiful way you describe your love. You have a brave gorgeous son, I wish him a fast recovery and pray he never has to experience this ever again. Peace, love and hugs.

  7. So happy that all went well. That smile is priceless!

  8. And what a beautiful smile she has. As a mother of three children, I know that sense of hopelessness when they are in the hospital/surgery. May God wrap you and your family in his loving/protecting arms!

    I hope those smiles keep on coming!
    ~Heather Thomas

  9. This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing this post, and his smile.

  10. He is doing so well... you would never know what he went through not even 2 weeks ago now!!

  11. Amazing! His is so precious. I know how stressful and gut wrenching it must have been for you. Can't wait to see more of that smiling face!


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